Father’s Day has always been a hard day but this one even harder now that he’s gone.
I didn’t really know my father growing up – he worked either 2nd or 3rd shift and most Saturdays. I got to help him on Sundays as he went about fixing the broken, changing the worn, and gathering the needed. I wanted him to love me but he was so harsh it was hard to tell.He was never kind. He was very strict – I could go very few places with very few people. I spent most of my time when not doing household chores, in my room alone listening to music. I couldn’t wait to get out of the house when I was 18, and that’s what I did. Shortly after that my mother left him and in what seemed like no time he remarried. All of a sudden I had a step family. The hard part has been that they got the best of my father. They didn’t live through him hitting their mother, kicking their pets, or hitting them in the head. He was a grandfather to their children and a father-in-law to their spouses. I wasn’t around much. There was so much pain and hurt – and fear actually. He had hurt me deeply but made no attempt to apologize or take responsibility for his abusive treatment of me or my mother. That bothered me a lot for many years. But then the Lord showed me that my father had done the best he could do – and I believe that’s true. The Lord gave me forgiveness and I was able to put the past behind and love him. I realized that if I kept loving him it might open his heart to know the Lord himself. I talked with him a few times about that and he seemed like he heard.
When he was dying – I had a lot of mixed feelings about why I wasn’t contacted earlier – why I was left out of decisions – why why why why – but the true is – they got to know him as a loving father, grandfather, father-in-law and husband. I can’t – won’t – be bitter for that. He got it – just not in my time. And in turn they loved him back.
I was honored when my step mother asked me to come and help take care of him during the last weeks and days of his life. My step sisters were there every day too and between the three of us we took care of his every need. My children came from out of state to say goodbye, although they didn’t know him very well either. Nor were they welcomed with open arms.
The last few days the three of us, my step sisters and I, kept vigil round the clock to keep him comfortable. During those last few days all of the step family came – one by one they sat with him, held his hand, rubbed his head, and spoke words of love and said good byes. Tears of grief were shed as their rock was being taken from them. My tears were for all that had happened and all that I missed and all I would never have with him.
During all of this I have come to absolutely love my step family and no longer think of them as step – they are my second mother, sisters and brothers. It took his death for me to see how much he meant to them and really to see how much they meant to me.
This is the first Father’s Day without him and while it is hard on me – I know it’s even harder on them because he actually was their father. Please keep them in your prayers.